lj likes to die on me when i feel like blogging important stuff. stuff that i dont really want to share with the rest of the world on a public blog like blogger. so nvm i'll keep them in my head till i forget them.

syf rehearsal today was okay. better than the disaster i had envisioned, i had imagined tempers all going awry and stuff, and all the morbid things you can think of. it's called zhi2 ye4 bing4 it's not my fault i'm just trained in such a way that i'll be emotionally detached and prepared if something too awry happens.

ah i need to practise harder. i dont really know how, cause i'm tired of playing la mer over and over when i know i'm making mistakes but i dont know exactly how to go about correcting them. i like la mer, cause of it's abstract-ness and dramatic effects, it's like speaking a million words to me in every bar, but i cant make that feeling come out in my playing. quantity is pretty useless cause it only helps tonality. and not by alot, actually. i'm quite scared i'll hit my plateau soon, cause then i dunno where to find motivation to prac. i can still hear myself improving every few weeks, like everytime it takes less time to adapt to a new reed, and now exposed parts dont sound so scared and airy, but tuning is forever off. grr. quality quality! i need someone to take me and tell me what's wrong and how exactly to improve. it'll take so long if i'm just going to do general exercises without correctly correcting the current problems.

boy gwh is so far away.


i need to stop detaching myself goodness. at this rate i'll be ending jc life the same way i ended rg life. i need to start trusting people and making real friends. not people that i just so effortlessly grin at.


i'm sorry cos i've been effortlessly ignoring people sometimes, and it gets on my subconscious nerves, but consciously i'm just thinking of other things and i dont want you (whoever you may be), to be blocking out my concentrated thoughts. so yeah i'm really sorry if sometimes i really like fu1 yan3 pple when they talk to me.


haha quite funny i'm like reliving the whole rg episode now, except 2 years are squashed into one. or maybe i'm just imagining things lah.

still, the kind of angst i'm getting is quite remarkably similar to sec 2. man dont i miss those times.

okay. road is still long, we need rest. bye.

obbligata means indispensable, so bye little indispensable blog.